Faith

Sometimes it is hard to have faith. And by faith I mean "belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion". When is it hard?
Institutional Shame
It is hard when "a beloved icon" - Mother Teresa - of my faith (Catholicism) is revealed to have doubted for fifty years. It is equally hard when at least 4,127 priests (4.3%) of my faith institution have been accused of sexual abuse. It is quite the challenge to look back at the actions of the Catholic Church - through the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, and during the relative institutional silence throughout slavery, colonialism and various genocides - and avoid disillusionment and disappointment with faith.
Daily Struggles
Faith is also hard in the contemplation of living daily life. My faith dictates chastity, weekly mass attendance, and being pro-life. What is hard about that? As a newly single 28 year old it is hard to contemplate dating in 2007 without the seemingly prerequisite sexual exploits that people my age indulge in. When I was 15, the age I took first communion and was confirmed, it wasn't a problem. Now it's more of a challenge. Other issues are hard for me - like homosexuality. I think people are born homo or hetero sexual and I think God doesn't make mistakes. And what about abortion? I wish no one needed one but I'm resent that more time is spent on berating people and politiking instead of creating a society of love and abundant resources.
Hardest of All
I think the greatest hardship of faith is not doing whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it. Especially in a day and age when the popular message and lifestyle of those around me extols the virtues of premarital sex, cohabitation, convenience, and is rather critical of organized religion in general and Catholicism in particular. An atheist friend gleefully emailed me news of Mother Teresa's doubts. All of my best friends aren't practicing Catholics and ALL use birth control and sleep with whom they want when they want. There are times when I doubt and fail to feel the presence of God (though never for 50 years). There are plenty of times when I don't agree with "my" church and loads of times I stray and sin.
Perseverance
So why do I keep my faith? Because I believe - despite disappointments, failures, and hardships. I use the analogy of American democracy. The government has taken many actions I don't agree with - from assisting in assassinations of legitimately elected officials (Lumumba) to turning a blind eye to genocide (Rwanda) to the exploitation and corruption during the current Iraq war (Cheney - Halliburton) but I still believe. I still have faith in this country and what we say we believe in - even if that isn't always our practice.
The same is true with the Catholic Church.
I am willing to sacrifice for my faith - whether it be giving up dairy and eggs for a socially conscious diet that reflects a faith in human action - or if it's going to mass every Sunday, trusting current priests aren't pedophiles, and honoring the dignity of life from the womb to the tomb so as to reflect my faith in God.