let´s try this again

This weekend I felt depressed. Yesterday, before 7pm, I felt great. Today I feel okay. The roller coaster that is my state of affairs can be stressful but I like that my life isn´t monotonous. Two years ago I was in love with a man I thought I would marry and living in California; a year ago I was living in DC going to graduate school for librarianship; AND today....well now I am single, volunteering(jobless), in Brasil, maybe moving to Boston for a different graduate school. Given that my life is prone to change, in any feasible yet unimagineable direction, I am going to follow my grandmothers advice and "stop obsessing over lost love". Right now I am focused on being grateful for fulfilling my dream - a dream to live in Brasil, be with family, and practice Portuguese. I am doing that, yeah! Maybe it means that I don´t make romantic attachments, I get left behind by the ex, and I don´t have a lot of social interactions. And still I want to be grateful. I am also focused on feeling good about and liking me, not on how he feels about me or who he is with. I don´t know why I think I am so easily replaceable or why I would be attracted to someone that easily replaces me or stops loving me. In essence I want to work on appreciating this place, my life, who I am and what I bring to the table. What is that???? Conviction to do what I think is right, courage to make changes and be different, concern for the well being of other people, willing to learn from my mistakes, an ability to befriend people from all walks of life, and committed to retain friendships from various stages of my life. I´m not always strong in those domains, and I´m never all those things at once. But hey - at any given time I´m excelling in at least one aspect and there is also the possiblity for more. So you know what I say to that - wooho.

CULTURAL INSIGHTS:

Brasilians love pets. It is a gross generalization but I feel very comfortable making this assertion. On my walk to Gotas de Flor com Amor I pass by innumerable pet stores and vets offices. One day I will actually count. Also, I would say at least half of the houses I pass by have dogs. AND I´ve seen several dogs with shoes. It is true. The first time was at the mall. Most recently was on my way back from lunch yesterday. I hope you can see the blue booties on this dogs feet. I asked the owner, in portuguese, if I could take a picture and she graciously allowed me. Is this a testament of love or just plain ridiculous? You decide.....

Floral therapy is a phenomenon here (and not just because I am doing it). This past Saturday when I went and saw the incredibly funny "Os Homens são de Marte....e é pra lá que eu vou!" the main/only character, Fernanda, was constantly taking her floral remedy and the audience knew what it was and related with laughter. Floral therapy is the belief that the essence of flowers can help balance negative emotions. It is a homeopathic remedy that my aunt is trained in. I think the one I am taking right now is to help me realize my own value, strengthen my self esteem, and help me be calm about my (very) uncertain future. It may sound a little funky and new agey but I find it beneficial, and in conjunction with prayer and awesome words of wisdom from family and friends, I think it accounts for me feeling better. In addition to myself, my 85 year old grandmother does it, my super macho 33 year old cousin does it, and they swear by it. Hey - don´t knock it unless you´ve tried it.

Change. As long as I have been coming to Brasil there has been a shortage of change, though it is much better now then 10 years ago. I am not talking about political or social evolution or revolution. I am taking about money. I never receive the right change at the grocery store. I am usually given more, a centavo or two, but occassionally it is less. Hardly anyone has one centavo(cent) here but nothing is priced accordingly. I find it very odd. So if you travel to Brasil be aware that people don´t easily accept big denominations and are unlikely to want to make change.