NOSSA SENHORA APARECIDA: The celebration of the patroness of Brasil was on Friday. Which means I didn´t have class on Friday, the gym where I work out at was closed, stores were closed, and the place where I volunteer on Friday and Saturday was closed as well. The city was dead, most Paulistas headed out for the beach.WHAT DID I DO: A friend of mine - I´ve been talking to him about my frustrations about "getting over" my exboyfriend - emailed me, "have a great weekend! you´re in brasil for crying out loud, stop worrying about him and have some fun! he´s the one that is missing out." I have wonderfully supportive friends - and he´s right, I am in Brasil! But what does that mean? That I should be frolicking on the beach, in a barely there bikini, dancing samba in the waves? I WISH - well except for the barely there bikini. The reality, this weekend at least, was a little more mundane.
I think that is the reality of living somewhere sometimes - beyond the exotic appeal, beautiful beaches, and attractive people - daily life can be very mundane. I ate, slept, and watched a lot of tv. If you know me, that is not my idea of a good time. I practiced taking pictures of my reflection - I think they came out pretty interesting. teehee. I woke up each morning, promising myself that I absolutely would not check my email or write my ex. Not only did I check my email each day - I checked about ten times. I also swore I wouldn´t eat any Flormel paçoca, my absolute favorite brand (my peanut obsession rears its ugly head), and of course I ate all of them and have to wait until Friday when my aunt can buy me more at the health food store. So the weight I ran off last week is definitely back where it started. I did go to the theatre Saturday night. It was a one woman play about the plight of Fernada - a 35 year old - looking for love whereever she could find it. I think I understood about 75% of the play (not bad), and for whatever I did or didn´t understand, it really was fantastic. Oh, I also made pancakes and looked at dresses online for my dad´s wedding. Tomorrow is another holiday - day of the teacher. At least the gym will be open....HOW DO I FEEL: I feel like my life is on hold. I don´t know where I´ll live when I get back to the states or what I´ll do. I don´t know why I am moving to Boston anymore. I don´t know what I want to do as my life´s work. I don´t know how to make the most of my time here. I feel trapped by a lack of public transportation, friends, and family fear. The week flies by, with classes, volunteering, working out I hardly have time to think. But then comes the weekend, and I dread it.
I sit around, think about my ex, struggling to learn from that love AND then LET GO. I worry that I am getting left behind. Honestly, I feel a little bored and a tad boring - and I`m in Brasil!?! Is that even allowed? I did talk to my pops - I put in an SOS emergency request for some phone time. And he told me how proud he is of me, how funny he thinks I am, and how much courage I have to always try and make the most out of life. He told me not to forget I am fulfilling a dream I´ve had for a long time. And that is what I feel most strongly - a desire to appreciate each day for what it offers and to love what is. Wish me well~
1 comment:
I'm wishing you well. Every day even though I don't write often or let you know all the time. I still have the little purple "M" note you sent me about getting wiggy with it. It's on my bulletin board by my desk :-)
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